"Shopping Bag" Theory

It was just after a cozy afternoon latte when I walked to my car carrying my laptop bag, when my very good friend (who walked me to the car and would soon be my dinner companion) apologized, "Sorry for not offering to carry your bag for you... it's just that your laptop bag looks so girly... it just wouldn't feel right if I carry that... you know!" 

This is interesting.

First, let me clarify one thing: my laptop bag is NOT girly. It's dark brown with olive green inner lining, yes, but you can't even see the green lining if it's zipped closed. And it's not even "girly green". There's absolutely no sign of girliness in the sense of pink, colorful pattern, ribbon, flower, lace or bling.

Second, and this is the most intriguing part: 1) would a guy refuse to carry something for a woman if the object is considered too "girly"?; 2) why? Is it because such a thing would diminish his masculinity, or is there another reason?

I asked the guy, of course. In the spirit of satisfying my curiosity. Lots of questions, actually. 

Q: "So... how about carrying shopping bags for your wife at the shopping mall?"

A: "Well, I am NOT going to carry a light shopping bag."

Q: "Does it matter if the shopping bag is emblazoned with Metro, Sogo, or other store's logo?"

A: "Not really... as long as the shopping bag is heavy."

Q: "Do you only carry shopping bag with "masculine" logo on it? Like... say, Ace Hardware? So people would think, 'Hey, he is a do-it-yourself guy, man of the house'...?"

A: "Doesn't matter. It's not important for me to be considered such a guy. I only carry the bag if it's heavy."

Q: "So if the bag(s) are not heavy, you would let the woman (your wife) carry them herself?"

A: "Absolutely."

Q: "Why?"

A: "As a man, I'm only obliged to interfere when and only when the bag(s) are heavy."

Q: "How about other acts of chivalry, like opening the (car) door for women?"

A: "I only open the (car) door for very old women, or for heavily pregnant women. My mom, for example, is still very healthy and swift, so I don't open the door for her. I simply let her do it herself. On the other hand, I did it when my wife was pregnant."

Q: "How about other division of tasks between man and woman (husband and wife)... what would you do, what would you never do?"

A: "I don't mind carrying the baby with a kangaroo-carrier strapped up front, I don't mind pushing my other kid's stroller around a shopping mall... but I let my wife do all the grocery shopping, including handling all the shopping bags. Again, I would only interfere when she can't handle it herself. The kids? I would happily care for them in the mean time!"

So, it can be concluded that "girly" is not the real issue here. He doesn't offer to carry my laptop bag because it's not too heavy for me, and I could still handle it myself. Correct me if I'm wrong, N.

SHOPPING BAG THEORY on male categorization

Based on their attitude toward "carrying shopping bags", men can be divided into 2 groups:

1) Knights in Shining Armor

These guys would open doors and  carry shopping bags for women (including laptop bags, for sure), walk on incoming-traffic side when crossing the road with women. They might do it for 2 different reasons, though: 

... because they believe in chivalry and they want to be gentlemen (A-type), OR 

... because they think women are the weaker of the species and thus need all those help and protection (B-type)

The difference can be seen when these guys are faced with the issue of childcare: the A-type guys would be happy to play nanny, even if it's only for the sake of image ("Oooh what a great father that guy is...") while the B-type guys would leave all childcare and babysitting to the women (because that's what women are supposed to do, that's not a guy's business, and they would look less masculine when carrying a baby or chasing a toddler around).

2) Sensible-Practical Guys

These guys are basing their action on sensibility and practicality. would open doors for women when necessary, carry shopping bags for women only when the women cannot handle it by themselves, be protective when the situation calls for it. Because they believe women are their peers. Women are equal to men, and thus can handle things by themselves, and protect themselves as well. 

Childcare? No problem. If it's more sensible for the women to do grocery shopping, these guys would happily be the nanny in the mean time. If the situation calls for the opposite (dad doing shopping, mom babysitting) then let's do it. Whatever makes sense. Masculinity is not an issue. A man can care for his children and still be masculine, whatever "masculine" means.

My friend falls into the "Sensible-Practical Guys" category, I think. 

As for me, you know I have double standard in this kind of thing. Just like that "special parking space for women" issue. I can carry my own (laptop) bag, no problem at all. But if a guy offers to carry it for me, I don't mind either. As for shopping bags: I would appreciate if a guy helps me carry heavy ones. However, if it was a carrier bag from Tiffany or Louis Vuitton, I don't mind carrying it myself regardless of the size or weight *wink wink* 

I'm still curious about one thing, though. And I wouldn't be able to sleep well until I get a satisfactory answer to this: WHY on earth do you think my laptop bag looks girly? Yes, I'm asking YOU. Just call or text me the answer. Thanks ;)

The (Secret) Life of Plant

Visiting Starbucks @ Oakwood. Having my usual hazelnut latte. Chatting with my friend. Going to the toilet. Doing my stuff. Gazing absentmindedly at the lone orchid plant at the corner, right in front of the toilet bowl. Leaving the toilet. Going back to my table.

Did just that on several visits there. Never gave that plant a second thought. But one time, as I gazed at the plant, I thought, "Imagine life as THIS plant over here..." Is it a real plant to begin with? I touched its leaf, and its flower. Its smooth velvety purple petals. It's real. A real, living plant. Growing silently there in a pot, at the corner of a Starbucks toilet, right in front of the toilet bowl. Watching toilet-visitors' face day in day out. Observing their various behaviors. Smelling the various toilet smells. Hearing the various toilet sounds. What kind of a life would that be? 

I just can't take my mind off that solitary orchid.

I try to imagine what the orchid might possibly be thinking.

"Ooh, here comes another guy who can't aim his device properly... splashing all over the floor and stinking the whole place. I wonder what they teach these male humans about point-and-shoot skills? And I'm not talking Sony CyberShot here!"

"Oops. This one's had bad milk, seems like. He seems to be in pain. There he goes again. Yuck. This one stinks big time. Oh my."

"Why is this girl talking on her phone, here? Is she escaping someone? What is she talking about? Ooh... that's her boyfriend on the line. I bet she hangs out here with her other boyfriend... jeez, I wish I could speak! Hey, big guy! Listen here! Your girlfriend's cheating! She's not here with Nina and Trisha! She's here with another guy! Helloooo. You lovestruck fool, you..."

"Boy poops and fails to wash hands afterwards. Must notify Mom. Dirty little brat. Oooh, don't you dare touch my leaves! Shoo. Shoo. No no nooo, DON'T TOUCH ME! Aaargh!"

"Ooh... hot chick. Look at those delicious legs. No. Wait... why is she standing there facing the toilet bowl? What's she doing... whoooaa... is that a cock?!! Damn... she's a GUY!!!"

If only the plant gets interviewed, I'm sure its insights would prove to be as intriguing as Sigmund Freud's.

An In-Flight Observation

Just got back from Surabaya. Flying Garuda Indonesia, as usual... but was so annoyed on the Jakarta-Surabaya flight because I couldn't find a space on the overhead compartment for my small luggage: every inch was packed with other people's stuff! How is that possible? Aren't the compartments supposed to provide enough space for everyone? This has never happened to me before... not in domestic flight, not in international flight. What happened? I decided to settle down and observe my surroundings (after a flight attendant found a space for my luggage in business class). 

I've been on so many flights and have taken lots of things for granted. Once I start to observe people's behavior, I realized some things. And I'm sure you would find (at least some of) them rather familiar. Here goes:

1) Overhead compartments are jam-packed and people who board the plane last would have absolutely no space to put their stuff (as happened to me). The reason? Just look at one lady who brings on board: one medium-sized luggage (definitely not cabin-sized), one sportsbag, one box of local snacks and crackers, and another plastic bag of God-knows-what. She packs everything into a compartment, and of course her stuff fills in the whole damn space. How about the passengers next to her? They put their stuff in the next compartment, thus using up yet another passenger's space. Repeat the process 22x2 times (in a Boeing 737), and voila! not enough space for everyone. 

2) Stinky stuff in the cabin. Try this on a flight from Palembang. You know pempek, the sinfully yummy and not-so-healthy fish cakes from the city? The fish cakes on their own are fine, but there's this black spicy sauce that goes with them, and it's made of spices and garlic and vinegar, and it STINKS. No matter how good you wrap it in plastic, the stink would persist. People would bring boxes of pempek into the cabin, and by the time the airplane is taxiing on the tarmac, the stink would gloriously fill the air. Try breathing that air for the whole 1,5 hours flight. I did. I survived. But I can't imagine how people could be so ignorant of their fellow passengers' sense of smell, sanity and well-being. I did bring a box of pempek myself, but I checked it in. Since I'm sure there's no living being in the cargo area, I can be sure that I'm not torturing anyone with that dangerous biohazard that is pempek.

3) In-flight mobile phone galore! Numerous newspaper articles, online forums, and chain emails have covered this issue extensively. And given Indonesia's less-than-excellent airline reputation, people should've known better. But I see it all the time: 

• people chattering into their mobile phones well until the plane is taxiing before take-off, saying (loudly so the whole cabin could hear), "YES! YES! I'M BOARDING THE PLANE NOW! HUH? YES, I'M IN THE AIRPLANE!!! PICK ME UP AT [city/airport name] IN ONE HOUR, YES?!!! OK!!! I HAVE TO SWITCH OFF MY PHONE NOW!!! [duh] BYE!!!"
  
• people keeping their mobile on while in flight (a friend of mine experienced this recently, she heard a familiar ring from a passenger behind her, 45 minutes into a Jakarta-Surabaya flight, at night, in stormy weather... she freaked out, of course, and screamed at the mobile phone owner)
  
• people switching their mobile back on right after touchdown at destination... isn't it like music to your ear, when you hear that familiar Nokia startup tune at landing, when the airplane hasn't even slowed down? This time you would hear them scream, "HELLO?!! HELLO?!! I JUST LANDED IN [city/airport name]!!! YES!!! PICK ME UP AT THE FRONT, WILL YOU?!!! YES YES... SEE YOU SOON!! HUH? HELLO?!! HELLO?!!" ... at times like this, I wish there was some kind of alien presence (like Klaatu/Gort) that could send hypnotic/telekinetic electricity/electromagnetic pulse to these ignorant passengers through their mobile phones, that would stun and incapacitate them on the spot... *sigh* me and my overimaginative mind. 

Black Cat

You believe in myths and superstitions? You don't walk under ladders? You're freaked out when a black cat walks in front of you? You carry a rabbit's tail with you? (poor, poor rabbit) You knock on wood? 

Well, I was walking out of that new bookstore in Kemang Village, when a sleek, shiny black cat saw me and cowered and took a step back. As I walked past it, we just stared at each other. It's got beautiful eyes. Flashing greenish-yellow eyes. And the fur! It's so sleek and black and shiny it's like liquid ink. I was still thinking of how beautiful the creature was, when I started the car. I even drove the car further back, just to check whether the cat was real (you never know!). It was. The cat was walking stealthily under a row of standing poster displays... its black coat reflecting the building's light. 

If "a black cat walking in front of you" means bad luck, what does "a black cat cowering and taking a step back upon seeing you" mean? I do hope it means good luck. 

Meow.