This is interesting.
First, let me clarify one thing: my laptop bag is NOT girly. It's dark brown with olive green inner lining, yes, but you can't even see the green lining if it's zipped closed. And it's not even "girly green". There's absolutely no sign of girliness in the sense of pink, colorful pattern, ribbon, flower, lace or bling.
Second, and this is the most intriguing part: 1) would a guy refuse to carry something for a woman if the object is considered too "girly"?; 2) why? Is it because such a thing would diminish his masculinity, or is there another reason?
I asked the guy, of course. In the spirit of satisfying my curiosity. Lots of questions, actually.
Q: "So... how about carrying shopping bags for your wife at the shopping mall?"
A: "Well, I am NOT going to carry a light shopping bag."
Q: "Does it matter if the shopping bag is emblazoned with Metro, Sogo, or other store's logo?"
A: "Not really... as long as the shopping bag is heavy."
Q: "Do you only carry shopping bag with "masculine" logo on it? Like... say, Ace Hardware? So people would think, 'Hey, he is a do-it-yourself guy, man of the house'...?"
A: "Doesn't matter. It's not important for me to be considered such a guy. I only carry the bag if it's heavy."
Q: "So if the bag(s) are not heavy, you would let the woman (your wife) carry them herself?"
A: "Absolutely."
Q: "Why?"
A: "As a man, I'm only obliged to interfere when and only when the bag(s) are heavy."
Q: "How about other acts of chivalry, like opening the (car) door for women?"
A: "I only open the (car) door for very old women, or for heavily pregnant women. My mom, for example, is still very healthy and swift, so I don't open the door for her. I simply let her do it herself. On the other hand, I did it when my wife was pregnant."
Q: "How about other division of tasks between man and woman (husband and wife)... what would you do, what would you never do?"
A: "I don't mind carrying the baby with a kangaroo-carrier strapped up front, I don't mind pushing my other kid's stroller around a shopping mall... but I let my wife do all the grocery shopping, including handling all the shopping bags. Again, I would only interfere when she can't handle it herself. The kids? I would happily care for them in the mean time!"
So, it can be concluded that "girly" is not the real issue here. He doesn't offer to carry my laptop bag because it's not too heavy for me, and I could still handle it myself. Correct me if I'm wrong, N.
SHOPPING BAG THEORY on male categorization
Based on their attitude toward "carrying shopping bags", men can be divided into 2 groups:
1) Knights in Shining Armor
These guys would open doors and carry shopping bags for women (including laptop bags, for sure), walk on incoming-traffic side when crossing the road with women. They might do it for 2 different reasons, though:
... because they believe in chivalry and they want to be gentlemen (A-type), OR
... because they think women are the weaker of the species and thus need all those help and protection (B-type)
The difference can be seen when these guys are faced with the issue of childcare: the A-type guys would be happy to play nanny, even if it's only for the sake of image ("Oooh what a great father that guy is...") while the B-type guys would leave all childcare and babysitting to the women (because that's what women are supposed to do, that's not a guy's business, and they would look less masculine when carrying a baby or chasing a toddler around).
2) Sensible-Practical Guys
These guys are basing their action on sensibility and practicality. would open doors for women when necessary, carry shopping bags for women only when the women cannot handle it by themselves, be protective when the situation calls for it. Because they believe women are their peers. Women are equal to men, and thus can handle things by themselves, and protect themselves as well.
Childcare? No problem. If it's more sensible for the women to do grocery shopping, these guys would happily be the nanny in the mean time. If the situation calls for the opposite (dad doing shopping, mom babysitting) then let's do it. Whatever makes sense. Masculinity is not an issue. A man can care for his children and still be masculine, whatever "masculine" means.
My friend falls into the "Sensible-Practical Guys" category, I think.
As for me, you know I have double standard in this kind of thing. Just like that "special parking space for women" issue. I can carry my own (laptop) bag, no problem at all. But if a guy offers to carry it for me, I don't mind either. As for shopping bags: I would appreciate if a guy helps me carry heavy ones. However, if it was a carrier bag from Tiffany or Louis Vuitton, I don't mind carrying it myself regardless of the size or weight *wink wink*
I'm still curious about one thing, though. And I wouldn't be able to sleep well until I get a satisfactory answer to this: WHY on earth do you think my laptop bag looks girly? Yes, I'm asking YOU. Just call or text me the answer. Thanks ;)
1 comment:
See... I didn't even realize it has green inner lining :)) my sense just said it was girly. Lack of fashion-stuffs attention has stopped me to judge how girly it was, but surely I won't use it for my own. No such practical explanation, just sensible thought.
This might be the time I have to admit that men are getting more sensitive now, probably in not expectable way to women, but we can't help it.
You're just correct about my group: just a guy, not a knight.
First thought: too girly
Second thought: not heavy
Third tought: not busy
Algorythm: IF heavy THEN grab to carry. IF too many stuffs THEN grab the heaviest stuffs to carry. The "girly" thing is always first come but last served.
Thanks, Hyper Mom!
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